I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about what it means to be ready to start a relationship.  And the thinking isn’t coming all that easily.

To start I was going to make a list of why to date someone and what I’m really looking for in that special somebody and it clicked, I still have a lot to do for me.  I’ve been surfing youtube for dating tips and why you’re still single insights.  And then I started to really think about it.

They say 25 is when you are in your prime.  It’s my time to shine.  My goal is to be ready for the new year and by my birthday 12/30 to have opened up to new people and opened myself to an extended social circle.  I will create and commit to a complex support group.  Instead of knowing I will be there for you, I will forge a new question and approach.  Am I there for me?  Yes, I will be!

The truth is, maybe I haven’t been ready for a relationship because I haven’t committed to being me.  I still have a lot of work to do for me. With my mom boozing and my dad being cold, I didn’t learn the warm ways to build relationships.

Tough love is an understatement and in all this I have grown so close to my sister that I have been able to harness a warmth that I never had before.  It’s been life changing to be so close to her and care for her and about her.  We’re basically all we have.  And, I am ok with that.  It took many years to get there and putting distance between hearts that many people will never understand.  Lots of people love their parents and trust their advice.

This is not my experience, but that’s ok.  Having dealt with these issues and helping them pan out their own lives I lost focus on myself.  I had a couple bad relationships, one that I am still getting over.  I have let him take advantage of me.  We don’t date, we don’t talk on the phone but I allow him to have sex with me.  This is stopping.

So in making this lengthy post more short, and to start putting together some sort of list I think I need to make another list first.  I won’t be listing qualities of Mr. Right because how can I know about who I want until I know I am Ms. Right for me?

I am going to make a list of the things I do have in me and the reasons why I love me. I figure I will be able to start pinpointing the real me and why I am ready for a relationship or most likely why I am not.

The list, take # 1 -

I like:

The fact that I make time for myself to read books and research things that spark my interest.

My curly hair and the personality that comes with it.

That I am blunt and to the point.

How I smile and the way I dress.

I get things done when I set my mind to accomplish something.

I give back and that I am involved with my community.

I don’t put up with people that bring me down.

I set realistic expectations for myself and others.