I can tell by your lack of attention.  No texting no calling.  Yeah, we hung out on Saturday went to dinner and watched a movie.  But today there was nothing.  I start a new job on Wednesday, that’s when I think I’ll know.  Maybe you’ll send me a good luck text like I did to you.  Are you thinking I’m too needy?  Am I being too clingy?

Tomorrow I’m waking up early just to get a head start and a practice run in for the new commute downtown from Reston to Washington D.C.  I’ll drive just up the road from you to the Wiehle Park & Ride.  Have you ever taken the 505?  I hope my SmartTrip has a couple bucks to get me to the station.  If I remember correctly the amount will be deducted if the funds aren’t there.  Has this ever happened to you?

I don’t think you go downtown too often. Maybe this will change if I move there and you are still digging me.  We could have brunch and you could stay for the weekend.  Bring up your dog, Aubrey.

I think I know your birthday.  I looked it up online.  I saw that it’s November 28th.  Are you thinking about our plans?  Do you know yet what you will be doing?  I don’t have plans on my birthday.  It’s too far away.  I’m thinking gross foods.  What do you think?  I mean if we’re dating I’ll have to arrange something.  Or maybe, I’ll just pretend to be heading to New York City.

No, I can’t do that.  Why, because that would be crazy - planning things that can’t be planned already. Nobody ever really wants to go out for my birthday.  Maybe you will though.  This can be different.

I’m sorry if I burned you before.  I just wasn’t ready.  I didn’t want someone who was mature I was thinking about him just like you may be thinking about her.  Did she dump you?  Break your heart into pieces and through them at the wall like cooks do to test the doneness of spaghetti?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately with my idle mind brewing.  I haven’t had a grasp on me enough.  Has this happened to you, too?  What does it mean to have a good time with someone new?

I’m pretty serious as a person with an old soul inside.  I have a depth to me that many may try to avoid.  I over analyze.  I think too much into things.  It’s a hurdle in starting new things.  With you I feel comfortable and I want to open up but not rush things.  Am I just the rebound a quick lay to help you get to the next day?  I don’t want to be these things.  I’d rather just know if you aren’t that into me.

But, I think you are.  You talk about me.  I know this.  But when you are around me your quiet and I think your palms are probably sweaty.  I don’t have the butterflies yet because I just usually don’t.  I lack an ability to love and be loved.  I’m working on it.  Will you pull this out of me?  Can you show me the new way of being?  The loving and nurturing, empathetic and willing.

Tell me already.  Text me already.  Chat with me already.  Don’t be scared of me already.  I’m independent and courageous.  A risk taker who will plunge with the person that’s just right.  I’m Goldilocks and I’m waiting.  I’m waiting to be ready.  Just tell me already if you’re not that into me.

He’d had texted if he could.  I didn’t.  I texted you after midnight.  I was out.  He asked me to dinner.

We had plans.  I’m not tied to you.  Is that what you want?  Are you lonely?

I don’t think I can fill your hole.  I’ll probably see if you want to meet at the pond tomorrow for egg sandwiches.

How does that sound?

I can give it a go.  It’s called keeping options open.  Don’t be not open to it.  I don’t think you have anything to do.

I lied to you.  I wasn’t out with the family for dinner and a movie.

I had a movie night with him and dinner too.

Sorry I lied to you.  I don’t want to hurt you.  It’s not in me.

Am I leading you on?

I did lie to you.

We ate Greek food alright.  And we watched that movie.  I promised I’d return it.  I did that already.

The movie was really good and the food made our stomachs bubble sounding all turny.

I think I had a good night.

You, I’m pretty sure that you did too.  The kiss in the car, well that was kind of awkward.  I didn’t use my tongue.

Did you want me to?  I texted you good luck. Wished it to you again.  I bet you are already sleeping.  I hope you sleep well.

I don’t forget much.  I remembered you sleep in your contacts.  And that you were thinking about hiring Becky.  I knew about the trapped money you wait for in longing.

Did you think of me before you went to sleep?  Did you lay out the clothes all tidy and neat?

You keep the numbers after each race.  They are folded in your drawer, each tag the good waxy ones and the others each in their place.

The room is now divided in two.  Just like you wanted.  I really do hope you get it the way that you want it.

I’d like to think that tonight you got what you wanted.  I can’t be sure.  I hope you text me when it’s over like you promised.

I could say text me good morning.  But that just wouldn’t be honest.

I invited you for a sofa session.  You denied the invitation.

I knew you didn’t want to go out.  It’s true that you don’t want college to be over.

I know this about you.  I deny this about you.

It’s not me you want.  You want someone new.

We shared a lot together.  I tell myself over and over that this was before.

Why we keep after it - chasing the rainbow’s end.  I know it’s not real. The bow is from a prism.  And, the prism is in your pocket.

I’m taking out my mirror.  You ready to catch this reflection?

Get your hands off of me.  I’m out of time pleading for your energy.  Your using, abusing and continually refusing.  You didn’t respond.  You’d rather hang around there.

You don’t pull on my hair.  You don’t tell me I’m pretty.

You do grab my waist when we meet at the party.  It’s an action always unplanned and caused by our drinking.

It’s just that I’m there and what’s left over.  To you, I’m the cheese crusted in the pizza box.  I’m not even the pepperoni.

I will try to forget you.  But, you may never leave my head.  And, you’ll never be by my side.

What have I been thinking?  Where did I go wrong?  Why did I lose sight of what I need?

I don’t need you.  I don’t need you in my thoughts.  Get out.

Welcome to my heart.  This is the exorcism.

Want to be my # 2?