I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about what it means to be ready to start a relationship.  And the thinking isn’t coming all that easily.

To start I was going to make a list of why to date someone and what I’m really looking for in that special somebody and it clicked, I still have a lot to do for me.  I’ve been surfing youtube for dating tips and why you’re still single insights.  And then I started to really think about it.

They say 25 is when you are in your prime.  It’s my time to shine.  My goal is to be ready for the new year and by my birthday 12/30 to have opened up to new people and opened myself to an extended social circle.  I will create and commit to a complex support group.  Instead of knowing I will be there for you, I will forge a new question and approach.  Am I there for me?  Yes, I will be!

The truth is, maybe I haven’t been ready for a relationship because I haven’t committed to being me.  I still have a lot of work to do for me. With my mom boozing and my dad being cold, I didn’t learn the warm ways to build relationships.

Tough love is an understatement and in all this I have grown so close to my sister that I have been able to harness a warmth that I never had before.  It’s been life changing to be so close to her and care for her and about her.  We’re basically all we have.  And, I am ok with that.  It took many years to get there and putting distance between hearts that many people will never understand.  Lots of people love their parents and trust their advice.

This is not my experience, but that’s ok.  Having dealt with these issues and helping them pan out their own lives I lost focus on myself.  I had a couple bad relationships, one that I am still getting over.  I have let him take advantage of me.  We don’t date, we don’t talk on the phone but I allow him to have sex with me.  This is stopping.

So in making this lengthy post more short, and to start putting together some sort of list I think I need to make another list first.  I won’t be listing qualities of Mr. Right because how can I know about who I want until I know I am Ms. Right for me?

I am going to make a list of the things I do have in me and the reasons why I love me. I figure I will be able to start pinpointing the real me and why I am ready for a relationship or most likely why I am not.

The list, take # 1 -

I like:

The fact that I make time for myself to read books and research things that spark my interest.

My curly hair and the personality that comes with it.

That I am blunt and to the point.

How I smile and the way I dress.

I get things done when I set my mind to accomplish something.

I give back and that I am involved with my community.

I don’t put up with people that bring me down.

I set realistic expectations for myself and others.

I’m looking for a friend.  A pal.  A life-long buddy.

I’m looking for the person that I will call hubby.  You’re all cuddly and quiet.  Are you shy or just nervous?  Are you not that into me?

I passed the day.  Texted you around 3:30.  I don’t want to come on strong.

I’ve dropped you before.  Now, are you thinking I’m after your money?

I’m sorry honey.  I could care less about your money.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t hold it against you.  I like your teeth and your smile, your belly, your beard and all that’s missing are your whispers in my ear.

Call me sexy.  I want to be your lady.  Don’t think I’m crazy.  You know I am already.

Will you call me wifey?  Is that for what you are looking?  I can’t tell for sure.

You’re older, 31.  I’m almost 25.  Am I too young?  Is this crossing your mind?

Not to be negative.  But, do you really want to go?

Tell me if you don’t.  No need for an obligation.  You don’t seem that excited.  I can sense it on the phone.

I excused it earlier.  You were lying on the couch.  Sorry, I missed your call.  My phone didn’t ring.

I called you right back.  I’ll clean my car, and come get you.  The restaurant is on your side of town.  Does this make you feel more excited?

I put the pep in my voice.  I’m pretty excited.  I kind of like you.  Actually, I think you’re a real nice gent.

I thought you thought I was a nice lady.  Was I mistaken?  Are you not about it?

If not, make it clear.  I don’t want you to lead me on if you have not forgotten about her.  Am I not the type you’re after?  What can I do to make how I feel clear?

Hope you smile and we laugh.  Loosen up.  Don’t get too fancy.  I’ll see you soon.

I hope you get excited.